©InfoWhen Gulmira was 20 years old she was forced to marry a man from her village who was in love with another woman. Gulmira, 35, is from Jany Dyikan village near the Kyrgyz city of Jalal-Abad. The man she married was studying in the capital, Bishkek, where he already had a girlfriend.
His parents wanted to make sure he would return to the village after he finished studying, which is why they made him marry Gulmira, rather than his girlfriend who came from northern Kyrgyzstan.
Gulmira’s parents also insisted on the wedding and Gulmira’s dreams of studying at university in order to work with children were shattered. She says: “Within three days I was forced to get engaged and we had a Muslim ‘nike’ marriage ceremony. The marriage was not officially registered. Suddenly I was married. I didn’t even know my husband.”
Violent attacks
One week after their modest wedding they left for Bishkek. “I worked hard to support us while my husband continued his studies,” Gulmira says. “But he began to drink and attack me violently in fits of rage. Because of this my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I didn’t go to the police because I was afraid he would beat me even more.”
Gulmira managed to save her second pregnancy and gave birth to a daughter, Madina. Shortly afterwards, Gulmira’s husband began to disappear at nights and their marriage was ruined. Gulmira returned to her village, where she now lives with her parents and her daughter, now aged 15.
“He married someone else and has never bothered to ask about his daughter,” Gulmira says. “I can’t force him to help us financially because there is no legal proof that we were married. If our marriage had been registered at least I could have got alimony and social benefits, but I have nothing. At the same time, because Madina was officially recognised as his daughter in her birth certificate and given his last name, I am not considered a single mother and cannot claim benefits.
Bride kidnappings
“I don’t want to go to parties because there are so many married couples. I always feel uncomfortable around men. I would never dare to walk around town or go to a café alone. People tell me to my face that if a woman is divorced, then she is a whore. I only have one joy – my daughter. I cannot say that I live; I exist only by hoping for her happiness. I am so proud of her. My dream is to make her happy and I hope she finds a good husband.”
©InfoGulmira watches her daughter closely, as bride kidnappings to avoid expensive wedding ceremonies or to satisfy undesirable husbands’ marriage needs are increasingly common in rural Kyrgyzstan. “I am afraid because the 16 and 17-year-old girls at Madina’s school are already being watched,” she says.
Through a Red Crescent training course graduate who started a kindergarten in her village, Gulmira has been given a job teaching Russian.
“One of my dreams has finally come true. I’ve been working here for two years. I am so happy to work with children because when you are busy with them for the whole day you forget about your problems, about men, about everything,” she says.
New life skills
Gulmira has also taken part in Red Crescent sewing and life skills training and can now make clothes, saving the family money. She says: “I think these life skills should be taught to all children. We didn’t know anything about our rights when we were growing up. We just followed the course of life with no awareness. Look what happened to me because I did not have this knowledge.
“Now I teach my daughter not to repeat my mistakes. I am trying to point her in the right direction. I am teaching her that we have equal rights with men and through my work I am teaching the boys to respect the girls. I tell them that women deserve to be treated well, they should never hit them and always defend them.”
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