Remembering missing family members

Every year, people around the world lose contact with loved ones because of conflict, disaster or migration. The British Red Cross family tracing service helps people search for missing loved ones. We also support them through the pain and uncertainty of not knowing what happened to them. 

In November, Emily Knox, head of restoring family links, joined the fourth International Conference for Families of Missing Persons. Created by families, for families, this global gathering gives people a chance to share experiences and support one another. Her reflections from the event give an insight into the resilience of families of missing people, and why this work matters so deeply. 

By Emily Knox 

We see you. We hear you. We stand by you.   

Powerful words spoken at a unique global event to highlight the issue of people who have disappeared.  

In November, I joined 900 families in 50 hubs around the world, sharing their voices to raise awareness of the missing.    

Families asked for a conference like this, and it was launched in Sarajevo in 2019. Now held every two years, the conference is a space for discussions on visibility, advocacy and coping with loss.   

This year, the British Red Cross hosted a hub in Leeds where a small group of people from Syria gathered to participate. I joined them on the last day for a session on memorials and saw what families around the world have been doing. I was moved and inspired by the spirit of remembrance and resilience.   

One of the family members we work with, Rima, spoke to the global conference during the final ceremony. 

Rima said:

“Attending the Red Cross conference on missing family members was a profoundly moving experience that left a lasting impact on me. Hearing the stories of families reunited and the tireless efforts of the Red Cross team inspired me to get involved.” 

Alongside their search, families across the globe have created rituals, powerful songs, and objects to remember people by. These included pillows printed with family members’ faces to hug and boxes containing significant mementos. Some even made a cookbook to transport people back to happy memories of eating with loved ones.  

I was struck by the pain that having a missing family member can cause across generations. Being together in a community helps people to get through the ordeal.  

During the day we also talked about practical tips for staying safe while searching. Sadly, people desperate for news of missing family can be targeted with fraud and exploitation. Solidarity is also important for people here in the UK, who might feel they are alone in their ambiguous loss.  

When Rima spoke, she used a hand metaphor explaining that five fingers (individuality) are different and each finger has a distinct role and ability. Individually, they have limited power, but they become one (unity) to form a useful and powerful hand when they cooperate and work in harmony.   

 After the conference Rima reflected:  

“Sharing my own story and listening to others helped me process my own emotions and connect with people who understand the pain of uncertainty. I'm grateful for the support and resources provided, which I believe will benefit many families in the future. 

“My presence allowed me to show solidarity with those still searching and contribute to raising awareness about this critical issue. I'm eager to continue supporting this cause and would love to volunteer with your team - together, we can make a difference.” 

Families across the world ended the conference with a public statement. Together, they asked the media to make their voice louder, and for support from civil society. Finally, they asked for legal frameworks and tools where they can take part in the search process and create places to remember their missing loved ones.  

You can read their full statement here: call for action.  

We see you. We hear you. We stand by you.